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Thursday, 31 January 2013

Think before you speak

I was sitting in the pub the other day nursing a drink and watching the world go by. I was nice and relaxed as the people outside in the cold and wet scurried past the window.

It had been raining for days and work had been getting to me recently. I decided to take a couple of days and recharge the batteries. That was why I found myself in a pub, early afternoon, killing time until I met my date later on. I was a little nervous hence the early drink, I was not planning on having more than one so thought why not?. I was gazing out the window. Running through all the funny and witty things I should say and do to impress her. I saw the biggest stretch limo I have ever seen. The windows were tinted black and try as I might I could not see who was inside.

My imagination was running wild as I considered the possibilities. I could hear music coming from within and decided it must be a 'stag do' or 'hen do'. When the door finally opened my first thought was 'stag'. A really short guy got out the car and he was dressed as a hobbit. He looked just like they did in the lord of the rings film. More than that, he looked really familiar. He reached into the car and pulled out a life size Barbie doll in a bikini. With his arm around her strolled into the pub. I looked back to the car but there was no sign of movement and I pulled my attention back inside the bar.

He looked so strange standing at the bar, the doll was probably about 6ft in the heels she had on. I would not have put him at more than 5ft and that was being generous. He ordered a drink for himself and a coke for the lady before finding a booth. Setting her limbs in place he hopped himself up onto the chair beside her. His legs dangled over the edge and for the first time I noticed he had no shoes on. He had what appeared to be soft downy hair on the tops of his feet.

I was so impressed with his attention to detail that I decided I would go over and compliment him on his outfit. He was obviously on his way to a fancy dress party. I could not get the relevance of the bikini clad doll but hoped he would explain it to me. I picked up my drink and walked over to his table.

He looked up at my approach and I smiled in greeting. I explained how impressed I was with his outfit. He looked a little puzzled at first but then seemed to get what I meant, letting out a real belly laugh.

I was quite befuddled at this point. Between gasping for air and laughing harder he gestured to the seat opposite. I sat down, it took him a little while but he finally got himself under control. Taking a deep breath he told me his name was Ian. He had just won £70 million on the euromillions. I told him that this was fantastic news.

Ian told me to hang fire and hear him out, there was a lesson to be learned about not rushing in. He then proceeded to tell me the most fantastical story I have ever heard.

He once had been a regular guy around my height, but painfully shy. Ian had found a lamp in a charity shop and had polished it up. Suddenly a genie had appeared. Ian had been granted three wishes and that was when his life had changed. His first wish was to become incredibly rich and that was why he had won the lottery. Ian now had more money than he could ever spend. It was in the heat of this moment. When Ian was so excited that he had blurted out his second and third wishes.

Ian looked at me to make sure he had my full attention and then continued. He had told the genie, he wanted to look like Elijah Wood from lord of the rings and date a girl like Barbie.


  1. This one is a funny one and you know before you even mentioned Elijah Wood I was already thinking of him :)

  2. I love the way you've written this, so much detail, love the ending :)

  3. I like this very much!!! Honestly, honestly, this isn't one of those 'ooh, I'll get a plug for myself in a blog comment', just wanted to tell you that I did similar in my novel 'You Wish' - a girl who wished to fall in love, but forgot to add that he should fall in love with her, too!! It's a very good concept for stories such as this one you've written, Ray :)

    1. Love the concept of your book. I will have to check out :-)